The setting: (Insert corporate sponsor) Center, Charlotte North Carolina.

Leaders of Team LeBron & Team Giannis: LeBron James & Giannis Antetokounmpo (brought to you by the department of redundancy department, the number 2019 and by the letters... all of them... the whole alphabet.)

The cast.

The sub-plot: The Denver Nuggets coaching staff vs Big Honey.

2018-'19 All Star Game: Team LeBron vs Team Giannis.

When last these two teams squared off... well this is the first and final time these two teams will ever face one another so this particular mainstay of TPM™ serves zero purpose.

As for this game, Expect video game numbers. Expect the defensive aspects of TPM tracking to provide countless opportunities for hilarity in analysis. Expect Kemba Walker to get every shot at winning the MVP on his home court. Expect Dirk to do something silly to poke fun at his lack of mobility. Expect zero defense to be exhibited. Expect Michael Jordan to flex in an interview. Expect this piece to be published far later than what is my usual habit (within seconds or a few minutes of the game's completion.) Expect hyphens, ellipses & Italics galore. Expect the expected.

Here are some numbers you can use:

Statistical leaders amongst this season's All-Stars:

MPG: Harden, 37.4, USE: Harden, 40.3, PPG: Harden, 36.6, T(Most): Harden, 5.4, PER: Harden, 30.8, BS Calls In Favor Of: Harden, each and every one of them, FGM: Harden, 581, FGA: Harden, 1316, FTM: Harden, 10.0, FTA: Harden, 11.5, 3APG: Harden, 14, 3PG: Harden/Curry, 5.1, 3%: Curry, .444, FT%: Curry, .922, FG%: Giannis, .581, DRTG: Giannis, 97.8, PF (Most): Towns, 3.7, ORPG: Towns, 3.4, DRPG: Embiid, 11.0, RPG: Embiid, 13.5, BLKPG: AD, 2.5, ORTG: AD, 123.4, STLPG: PG13, 2.3, APG: Westbrook, 11.2, Empty 3D's: Westbrook, each and every one of them, A/TO: Lowry, 3.3.

Historical single All-Star game records:

P: AD 52 2017, R: Pettit 27 1962, A: Magic 22 1984, 3: PG13 9 2016, B: Kareem 6 1980, T: Stockton 12 1989, S: R.Barry 8 1975, FT: Elgin/Oscar 12 1962/1965.

All-Star game career records

G: Kareem 18, P: LeBron 343, PPG: LeBron/AD 24.5, R: Wilt 197, RPG: Pettit 16.2, A: Magic 127, APG: CP3 13.2, 3: LeBron 35, 3%: G.Rice .600, B: Kareem: 31, BPG: Kareem: 2.1, T: Magic 48, S: Kobe 38, SPG: R.Barry 3.2, FT: Elgin 78, F: Kareem 57.

Denver Nuggets who have been All-Stars, chronologically:

1967-68 (ABA) Larry Jones 1968-69 (ABA) Byron Beck, Wayne Hightower, Larry Jones 1969-70 (ABA) Spencer Haywood, Larry Jones 1970-71 (ABA) Julius Keye 1971-72 (ABA) Arthur Becker, Ralph Simpson 1972-73 (ABA) Warren Jabali, Ralph Simpson 1973-74 (ABA) Warren Jabali, Ralph Simpson 1974-75 (ABA) Mack Calvin, Mike Green, Ralph Simpson 1975-76 (ABA) Byron Beck, Roger Brown, Jimmy Foster, Gus Gerard, Dan Issel, Bobby Jones, Ralph Simpson, Claude Terry, David Thompson, Monte Towe, Chuck Williams, 1976-77 Dan Issel, Bobby Jones, David Thompson 1977-78 Bobby Jones, David Thompson 1978-79 George McGinnis, David Thompson none 1979-80 none 1980-81 1981-82 Alex English 1982-83 Alex English, Kiki Vandeweghe 1983-84 Alex English, Kiki Vandeweghe 1984-85 Alex English, Calvin Natt 1985-86 Alex English 1986-87 Alex English 1987-88 Alex English, Fat Lever 1988-89 Alex English 1989-90 Fat Lever none 1990-91 none 1991-92 Dikembe Mutombo none 1992-93 none 1993-94 none 1994-95 Dikembe Mutombo 1995-96 Dikembe Mutombo none 1996-97 none 1997-98 none 1998-99 none 1999-00 none 2000-01 Antonio McDyess none 2001-02 none 2002-03 none 2003-04 none 2004-05 none 2005-06 none 2006-07 Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson 2007-08 Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson 2008-09 Chauncey Billups 2009-10 Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups 2010-11 Carmelo Anthony none 2011-12 none 2012-13 none 2013-14 none 2014-15 none 2015-16 none 2016-17 none 2017-18 2018-19 Nikola Jokic

Prediction:

Team LeBron 151 - Team Giannis 157 (based upon absolutely nothing. If you gamble on the All-Star game, seek help!)

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If you are viewing the pre-game version of the TPM piece; and you enjoy Gonzo-basketball reporting, I invite you to please join me after the game where the same link will lead you to the post game version. In it, all of the disjointed/unsightly blanks below will be filled, complete with data/analysis and more snark than "Snarknado VI: Snakenado", which I'm told is about a pessimistic, albino, black mamba who emerges from micro-bursts to torment the people of Los Angeles with shady tweets.

There be monsters; shameless, personal plug alert by permission of Denver Stiffs: If you are in the market for clothing, featuring the four major Denver sports franchises as well as CU, please open this link in a new tab to see if there is anything you are interested in. You don't have to order from the link of course if you are in the Denver Metro area, as I'm more than happy to meet up with you (please refrain from bringing rotten tomatoes), drastically lowering the cost, as Poshmark takes a healthy cut as well as shipping & handling. Thanks in advance!

Unique, hard to find, one of a kind and custom gear of your favorite team

Also, my DIY music production and videos can be heard/seen here if you don't value your ear-balls & eye-drums.

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And now what none of you come here for; how about some basketball nerdery?!?!

(After these messages... er Nicknames)

2019 All-Star game rosters

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Qtr1- Team LeBron trots out their formidable starting unit of Irving, Harden, Leonard, Durant & LeBron. Team Giannis counters with the equally dangerous quintet of Walker, Curry, PG13, Freaky Greeky & Embiid. It just occurred to me while watching TNT's pre-game clips of All-Star games past that I've been mis-characterizing The Joker's hair-do as the "Eric Montross" when in fact it more closely resembles the "Chris Mullin." Moving right along. Bruce Buffer? God this really may be unwatchable. Being the unapologetic homer that I am, I've avoided this game over the course of the last decade. It's presentation is even more saccharine than ever. Perhaps Velveeta is a more apt descriptor. Embiid wins the opening tip and we're under way. Leonard takes two unnecessary steps to prep for a three, it goes uncalled as a travel of course and he drains it. Freaky Greeky seems determined to win the MVP early but apparently doesn't understand the ruling of a lane violation infraction.

Curry is cold early and GF (short hand for Greek Freak going forward ((tee-hee!)) which in and of itself is short for gia...you get the picture.) is not, though dunks are less difficult than threes (easy for me to say.) Jokic enters at the time of the first break at 6:46. He quickly grabs two boards and gets a hockey assist. Meh dislikes the nickname I ascribed to him and sticks three straight from beyond the arc. Jokic gets his first points on a cherry-picked layup after running the floor. There's a first time for everything I suppose. Jokic is +13 in less than two minutes of play but if I'm honest that's primarily due to the Bucks duo playing with purpose. At this rate, there is currently a zero percent chance that GF doesn't win the MVP with his head coach distributing the minutes. Why couldn't you pick Jokic, Lebron! KD and GF are the first to reach double digits. Meh banks one in from distance and he's a perfect 4-4 from downtown. He finally misses on his next attempt. JOKIC WITH A FEROCIOUS DUNK! He follows that with a more customary water-polo tip in. Dirk/Wade check in simultaneously with under a minute to go and receive a loud ovation of course. Dirk splashes two from distance as the period comes to a close.

Team Lebron: King:+3 KD:+8 Harden:+3 Irving:+4 Leonard:+8 Aldridge:+0 Beal:+0 AD:+3 Lillard:+6 Simmons:+0 Klay:+3 Kat:+0 Wade:+0

Team Giannis: The Alphabet:+26 Curry:+4 Embiid:+4 PG:+3 Kemba:+6 Blake:+7 Joker:+6 Lowry:+4 Middleton:+11 Dirk:+6 D'Angelo: -3 Vooch:+0 Russ: -1

Team LeBron is led in TPM™ by KD:+8

Team Giannis is led in TPM™ by The Alphabet:+26

The score after one is Team LeBron 37- Team Giannis 53

Qtr2- Westbrook is chucking as always. Dirk is still a perfect 3-3 from distance. PG is the third player in double digits. Marv Albert is saying the incorrect name at nearly every opportunity. Harden is 0-3 in his chuckery to the delight of most, certainly my own. Interesting how gaming the system doesn't translate to a game where officiating is not at a premium. Beautiful high-bounce-alley-opp from Curry to GF through traffic. You won't believe me but I actually saw that coming in the flow of the play. That was pretty impressive. GF is on 3D watch with 18-6-4. KAT's childhood friend had a TV. Riveting television that. Harden misses still another three in embarrassing fashion. Jokic checks back in at 4:17. It's weird to see Westbrook and Jokic getting along and I don't like it, I'm not gonna lie.

The game is getting boring (good) again as Team Lebron starts taking it seriously and in doing so, have cut the lead to 14. Meh/Leonard make four/five in double digits. Russ passes up a point-blank, uncontested dunk in the most obvious assist chase in history. Living up to his name, The Joker hands the ball to an out-of-bounds Lebron James (Watch it here) in what can only be scored as one turnover a piece. That was good fun! I'm going to stop tracking individuals achieving double digits in this one as it's hardly an accomplishment tonight. Thus-far a combined seven players have already achieved it. Jokic leads all players with eight boards while home-town hero Kemba Walker paces the field with seven dimes. GF leads this year's All-Stars with 20 first half points. Lowry leads the lot in +- with a stellar +15 rating. Harden meanwhile is just 1-7 from the floor, all seven shots coming from beyond the arc.

Team Lebron: King:+7KD:+8 Harden:+3 Irving:+8 Leonard:+10 Aldridge:+0 Beal:+0 AD:+3 Lillard:+12 Simmons:+8 Klay:+6 Kat:+4 Wade:+5

Team Giannis: The Alphabet:+30 Curry:+15 Embiid:+5 PG:+10 Kemba:+7 Blake:+13 Joker:+7 Lowry:+4 Middleton:+16 Dirk:+6 D'Angelo: -3 Vooch:+2 Russ: +9

Team LeBron is led in TPM™ by Leonard:+10

Team Giannis is led in TPM™ by The Alphabet:+30

The score at the half is Team LeBron 82 - Team Giannis 95

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Qtr3- The halftime show was probably underwhelming or at best, whelming but you'd know more about that than I, as catch-up work was in order for yours truly, with double duty TPM™ at hand. Comically, Russ is intensely practicing free throws at halftime, deeply focused and ignorant of the shenanigans transpiring all around him. He has no off switch which is admirable to an extent as a competitor. Zero Chill. I bet he's tons of fun at cocktail parties though. It's a travesty that TNT chose not to mic-up Jokic tonight. Embiid seems to be the only person shooting free throws in this one with Harden camping out at the three point line & hoisting bricks. GF sticks a rare (for him and seemingly only him) three and the lead is up to 20. Players are now lining up to shoot against Harden who is forced not to hide defensively, as there are no non-threats to be stashed next to.

He FINALLY hits one from distance and I yawn. PG joins GF in the 20 point club at the time of the first break at 6:55. Harden continues to chuck; he's now just 3-11, all from beyond the arc. Jokic checks in at 5:27. Team Lebron cuts it to five on the strength of a 10-2 run but I mean this sincerely, who's counting? Likely only players who have designs on winning the MVP, which I can only assume is more likely to go to a player on the winning squad. Lillard is going berserk from well beyond the arc and it's even-Steven at 2:22. KD makes three in the 20 point club (that seems more palatable to track.) Of note, only D'Angelo Russell has yet to score in this one. How does it feel? Take a lap for that one Rasmussen! It's Westbrook's turn to chuck and drive, not to be mistaken for shucking and jiving. Malone has severely out-coached Budenholzer in the third period and has his team in the lead for the first time as a result. Nine combined players are in double digits already.

Team Lebron: King:+13 KD:+11 Harden:+3 Irving:+9 Leonard:+10 Aldridge:+0 Beal:+4 AD:+3 Lillard:+24 Simmons:+10 Klay:+12 Kat:+4 Wade:+11

Team Giannis: The Alphabet:+37 Curry:+18 Embiid:+9 PG:+18 Kemba:+9 Blake:+13 Joker:+1 Lowry:+2 Middleton:+16 Dirk:+6 D'Angelo: -3 Vooch:+2 Russ: +12

Team LeBron is led in TPM™ by Lillard:+24

Team Giannis is led in TPM™ by The Alphabet:+37

The score after three is Team LeBron 132- Team Giannis 131

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Qtr4- The fourth period gets underway in earnest with a series of ugly bricks from both squads. It appears that Jokic may be done for the evening. Russell gets off the snide which I'm happy to see, as he sticks a three in his first All-Star game. Curry earns a four point play as he's fouled by his Warriors teammate, Klay Thompson. It's currently raining threes as Team Giannis re-takes the lead by three at 8:22. The three point shooting really is impressive tonight; the defense, not so much. Klay/Meh make five in the 20 point club while GF has 31 to go along with eight boards and four dimes. 14 combined players are already in double digits! Zero have double digit rebounds or assists however. I just realized that Curry traveled on the amazing first half pass to GF. No basket! These teams have combined for 56 made threes already.

How are the official scorers sussing things out with both Walker/Jokic wearing 15 for Team Giannis? Team Lebron now has an eight point lead on the strength of a 13-0 run. GF hits another three and he badly wants to will his team to victory, and himself to MVP. He and Embiid both enter double digits in rebounding but their team now trails by ten with just 2:52 remaining. GF has a 2D with 36-10-4 at this time. Can the MVP possibly come from the losing team in these things? I ask because there is not really argument to be made for an individual performance from the winning team that was more impactful. It was more of a team effort from beyond the arc in the second half. KD now has 31 points and is making a late case for it. Curry closes things out with a bounce-pass-alley-oop-dunk this time to himself, not to GF. Hilariously, the official scorer credited him with an assist & two points in real time for it!

Team Lebron: King:+18 KD:+23 Harden:+3 Irving:+11 Leonard:+19 Aldridge:+0 Beal:+6 AD:+3 Lillard:+24 Simmons:+14 Klay:+13 Kat:+11 Wade:+11

Team Giannis: The Alphabet:+42 Curry:+26 Embiid:+8 PG:+15 Kemba:+9 Blake:+19 Joker:+1 Lowry:+2 Middleton:+19 Dirk:+6 D'Angelo: +3 Vooch:+5 Russ: +12

Team LeBron is led in TPM™ by Lillard:+24

Team Giannis is led in TPM™ by The Alphabet:+42

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Final Data:

TPM™ 68th NBA All-Star Game

Team Lebron: King:+18 KD:+23 Harden:+3 Irving:+11 Leonard:+19 Aldridge:+0 Beal:+6 AD:+3 Lillard:+24 Simmons:+14 Klay:+13 Kat:+11 Wade:+11

Team Giannis: Alphabet:+42 Curry:+26 Embiid:+8 PG:+15 Kemba:+9 Blake:+19 Joker:+1 Lowry:+2 Middleton:+19 Dirk:+6 D'Angelo: +3 Vooch:+5 Russ: +12

MVP as calculated by TPM™ with no in-game context beyond it's formula: Giannis Antetokounmpo.

Actual MVP:

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Final Thoughts: As we all know, this year's All-Star Game was really all about The Joker.. "Poetry in motion" -Big Honey.

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For context pertaining to the statistical aspects of this piece, please open this link: TPM™

A brief statement with regard to this piece on whole:

As a means to avoid repeating myself I will include this descriptive diatribe in all TPM posts going forward.

Sure I like statistics; ever since I was a child collecting sports cards and later a pre-teen who ran pre-internet fantasy sports leagues on ink/paper/spreadsheet for the four major US pro-leagues, I've been fascinated by box-score stats but I'm by no means an expert.

I created TPM (which has been around longer than RPM incidentally and unlike them, I fully disclose my non-proprietary system and I contextualize the action rather than being a boring, mysterious, predictive metric) because it does add immediate and accessible context to what we see and what the numbers indicate, which I like.

While the data is meticulously tracked and demonstrably sound, I'm a creative type, not an engineer. Algorithm is the bane of my existence in fact. I'd far rather approach life with the intrigue of expected surprise than attempt to get to the bottom of why things are the way they are. There are many engineers in my family so I totally understand that joy can be derived from finding solutions to problems, I just can't relate. It's not fun for me. THIS is for the most part, not fun for me.

Now I'm a 42 year old man who was born the year after the team I love joined the NBA. I happen to have a lifetime of experience with this sport in several different capacities, including playing (highly underrated within the writing community) so I understand basketball theory in a way most (by no means all) pundits do not.

I was in this case interested in a data-driven approach, which if I'm honest has sapped nearly all fun out of taking in games for me. I get very few days/nights off during the season. One piece requires several hours of research and data entry and all tracking/analysis is done in real time and published mere moments after each game's completion, 82 times (more this season) per year.

As such, the analysis portion is about 90% (I've run the numbers) creative writing with sarcasm generally indicated through italics, non-sequitur humor and hyperbole, in an attempt to steal back some of the joy this endeavor has snatched away.

Hopefully there is a little something here for everyone but if you came just for data or are averse to colorful language, this is not the place for you. I have no way of knowing how many people even read this so I'll not be affected even remotely if you choose not to indulge. For those of you who do, I greatly thank you for the support.