For the first time in seven years, a Nuggets player is expected to make the All-Star team. And while there’s a good chance Nikola Jokic will end up being chosen as a backup if he is not voted into the starting roster by the fans, we all know that this is a consolation prize in the popularity contest that is the NBA All-Star game, the pro basketball equivalent of your mom coming over to the playground and asking the other kids if you can play with them while you stand behind her and try to look indifferent. Unfortunately, from the look of the second returns, Jokic might be on track to stare at the blacktop with a look of practiced nonchalance:
Nearly two weeks into voting, and Jokic hasn’t even cracked a million votes! He’s behind Steven Adams, aka "Aquaman if Aquaman could not guard LaMarcus Aldridge." He’s barely ahead of Kyle Kuzma, who isn’t even good at playing basketball! (Sorry Kyle, I’ll see you at rec league next week.) Nikola Jokic has been carrying the Denver Nuggets, currently the best team in the best conference in basketball, and it’s up to us as his fans to make sure he gets into the starting lineup. I figured some of us might be a little rusty on how to maximize our vote, so I’ve written up this short guide to help us maximize the chances of Jokic getting a starting spot on the All-Star team.
A few disclaimers before we begin. First, there are almost certainly shenanigans that go on behind the scenes in All-Star voting. There’s no way Luka Doncic has 2.2 million legitimate votes—you think anyone in Dallas even knows the NBA season’s started, in a year when the Cowboys are in the playoffs? People might claim that voters from Slovenia are showing up for Doncic, but this theory has two problems: First, fellow Slovenian Goran Dragic isn’t getting a big voting bump. Second, according to the Risk board game I own, the country of Slovenia doesn’t actually exist. (You’ll notice the Mavericks pulled off similar shenanigans earlier this century by pretending that Dirk Nowitzki hailed from someplace called "Germany." I checked my Risk board; it doesn’t exist either.)
Next, some of these rules might strike you as going against the "spirit" of the All-Star Game, or "overly cynical," or "explicitly banned by several articles of the Geneva Conventions." What you have to remember is that the "spirit" of the All-Star game is "A promotional exhibition match designed to make the league money and give players a chance to party for a week." As an exercise, it is the emptiest and most cynical piece of corporate wankery in professional sports this side of Super Bowl commercialsA Beginner's Guide to Voting for Nikola Jokic, and it’s up to us to participate in the corresponding spirit of "hacking the awards so our guy gets in." Anyway, here is what you should do, starting with the most obvious stuff.
Vote for Nikola Jokic Every Day
You’re not going to manage this. What type of psycho consistently votes for the All-Star game every day? I doubt Jokic’s brothers have managed to do this. Still, like your New Year’s resolutions, it’s something to keep in mind.
Vote for Nikola Jokic All the Ways You Can
One of the things you have to reconcile yourself to when voting is that the NBA basically sells you the right to vote on the All-Star game in exchange for signing up for their mailing list and downloading their app and increasing their Google hit count. Just delete the app and unsubscribe from the mailing lists after voting closes.
Do NOT Vote for Any Other Potential Frontcourt All-Stars
This is where a lot of people slip up. After voting for Jokic, you might realize that you have two other votes that you could give to frontcourt players in the Western Conference, and you might select, say, LeBron James and Kevin Durant, with the justification that they are the next best two frontcourt players in the conference.
DON’T DO THIS. Jokic is COMPETING with James, Durant, Anthony Davis, Steven Adams, Paul George, LaMarcus Aldridge, and every other frontcourt player in the West (DeMarcus Cousins? Really?!?!) for those three spots, and any votes you give to anyone who has a chance of beating him out decreases his chances at climbing the ranks. You can vote with your heart for Eastern Conference All-Stars. You can vote with your heart for Western Conference guards. But you have to keep strategy in mind when it comes to the players with whom Jokic is competing.
In fact, there are four separate strategies you can use when deciding how to allocate frontcourt votes in the Western Conference. I have ranked them below, using the universally-understood "Galaxy Brain" rating system.
Small Brain: Only Vote for Jokic
This will work, and it’s definitely something you can do, but it’s also boring and without imagination. Also, I personally can’t imagine not using the votes for something. You have those 9 extra votes, use them!
Medium Brain: Vote for Players Closest to Jokic’s Entry
If there’s one thing you’ll start to notice the third or fourth time you’ve voted, it’s that the All-Star voting system SUCKS. You’ve got to scroll forever to find the right players. Since we’re just here for Jokic, the fastest way to get the ballot done is to just click all the anonymous players closest to him. This is only a little better than just not voting, but it has the advantage of you getting done quickly. (Just don’t vote for LeBron James or DeAndre Jordan, who the Mavs are probably going to hack a million picks for while claiming he's from Irkusk or something.)
Large Brain: Vote for the Nuggets’ Starting Lineup
If you ask me, the best possible team in the Western Conference is…probably the team that’s currently atop the West! Good luck stopping this lineup of death, Eastern Conference! How are Giannis and Embiid and Kyrie and Kawhi and Oladipo going to compete with the power of TEAMWORK!?
Galaxy Brain: Vote Strategically to Sow Discord Among Opposing Teams
This is the real Sun-Tzu shit: the All-Star Game doesn’t matter in any sense except for gratifying players egos…so clearly, the thing to do is to vote in a way that hurts the egos of the teams that are competing with the Nuggets for a playoff spot. How much worse will the Golden State Warriors’ feud between Kevin Durant and Draymond Green get when Green pulls even with KD in votes? Will Harden still be quick to pass to Eric Gordon if he knows Gordon is in danger of passing him in All-Star votes? Who will kill Nerlens Noel first, Steven Adams or Russell Westbrook?
It’s going to be a tough second half of the season coming up for the Nuggets. Every team in the West will be gunning for them. So it’s tempting to see the All-Star break as a one-week respite from the pressures of rooting for them, and a time to celebrate Jokic’s accomplishments while convincing ourselves that The Ringer Jinx has already guaranteed the Nuggets a title. And obviously All-Star week should be all about that. But it should also be about doing our own little part to help the Nuggets win.
That's the good stuff.
